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Dear self, there's a fine line between being nice, and being TOO nice. I can’t tell how many times I’ve said “sorry” to someone who has shoulder checked me because they weren’t paying attention while they were walking. I burn myself out at work, volunteering for extra shifts, covering for other people, taking on way too many tasks, etc. The problem is that I load so much on to that little plate of mine, that I can’t keep up. Next thing I know I'm pulling an all-nighter with 10 cups off coffeeeee... and come on imma better than that, I know that much coffee is bad for myself
However, when I reflect back on my life, I can now see how being “TOO nice” was my way of staying safe, of avoiding conflict, and of remaining emotionally intact. I may have been overly accommodating on the outside, I never lost touch with who I really was on the inside. I maintained my sense of identity, my own reality, my own self. I retained ME.
Some people may have seen me as passive, I knew the truth... it wasn’t that I was passive, it was just imma so busy protecting myself emotionally that I wasn’t always present enough to share who I really was. I’ve been having this internal wrangle with myself for sometime and found it a little difficult to resolve. I like being nice, kind and respectful, but often being told that, made me feel uneasy. The new spin on this, is the idea is of me treating myself with the same respect, kindness and love, a journey I’m slowly discovering.
To conclude, I would rather be too nice than be a beyotch. But at the same time, us nice folk have to figure out when we are being TOO nice. We aren’t doormats and we shouldn’t be treated like one. Sometimes you have to be a hard ass to get what you want in life.